Dear David...{Boundaries: Letter 18}

Dear David...

You are one very active two year old. As I write this, right now, you are jumping on "daddy's bed" (your nickname for our bed) and catapulting into the pillows. I've been feeling so overprotective lately the more you explore. And I really don't mean it in a negative way. So I felt like I needed to write this so hopefully...maybe...one day...you will understand my desire for you to understand boundaries.

When we cross the road, I explain how we must keep our feet behind the lines. But your innocent curiosity, though super cute, is also super scary for mommy and daddy. Without thinking, you dart across without realizing the danger. Boundaries don't always keep you from good things. That was a lie I bought into growing up. I was rebellious because I thought no one wanted me to have fun. It wasn't until I got older that I saw what was truly on the other side of the line...and that those who tried to implement boundaries were trying to actually protect me.

Bro. John preached on a Wednesday night a few years ago and I want to share with you what he said because it touched my heart. He spoke about the need for boundaries as Christians. The Shepherd sets up a fence to protect us but our gaze is often so focused on what's beyond the fence, that's our only desire. We crave to be on the other side because it looks better. Our eyes are not in tune with the Shepherd's because if they were, we would notice the wolf waiting for curious sheep to leave His side.

So while it may seem like the fence is holding you back, it's actually saving your life. Sounds a bit extreme and I don't want to make you scared. It's good to take chances and try new things. That's not what I'm talking about. What I'm saying is the adults in your life see things you do not. So when you are growing and learning, trust the boundaries we set even if they are annoying or don't make sense.

Just like our God has boundaries for us, we also must live within safe fences. This mindset is not popular in today's world. No one has boundaries anymore. But I'm here to tell you that just because your friend's parents have a different set of rules...you are not their child. You are ours. You are God's. We have a standard and a purpose. And we will do our best to teach you what it means so you don't just obey out of habit or ritual.

When you have a relationship with the Shepherd, the words of the wolf don't matter to the sheep. Because they are too close to the Shepherd and only obey His voice. The enticing spirit of the wolf does not effect those who are not hovering by the fence edge. But those who wander away from the Shepherd's side are less likely to hear His voice and fall into the trap of the enemy.

Just remember that boundaries is another way to express love. Just like marriage, boundaries must be set in order for that marriage to work and be the best it can be. Without boundaries, tragedy lies. So please know that our hearts are on your side, not against you. As you grow, keep your gaze on the Shepherd and ears on His voice. And you will find everything you need by His side.

Love,
Mom

End The Mommy Wars

I know you've been there, momma. I know you've had moments where you feel defeated as a parent.  Moments where you feel ashamed about your decisions because of what another momma might think. Where you curb your conversations to not bring attention to the fact that your 4 year old is still in diapers or you have chosen to formula feed instead of breast feed. You feel like everything you do is under the microscope of almost every other mother you talk to. You don't feel like you measure up to this invisible and unrealistic bar of perfection.

Well, none of us do. And it's time to say something. I personally am tired of the momma wars. I'm tired of those moments when I'm in my own home with my own child and I hear the snickering of what other mothers might be thinking in the back of my mind. Why do I let this bother me? Well some times we can't help it. The Momma Wars usually seek you out when you least expect it and it feels like a blow to the heart. Because it is. 

We will raise our children different.  That isn't the issue.  What should be a compassionate chance to bond with another mother has turned into a brutal blame game. Where everyone wants to be right and we are listening only to respond...instead of really listening. 

Being a mother is the hardest job in the entire world. We should see other moms as fellow citzens of the same country but instead are treating motherhood like a competitive war. We don't have to agree but we can still love. How can we teach our children not to bully or gossip if that is what they see from us? I'm taking a pledge to end the momma war inside of me. Because when I take care of the judgemental attitude inside my heart, that is one less dagger into another's. 

Every household dynamic is unique. What I may allow, you might not tolerate. But we have to stop backbiting, being judgemental and even gossiping to others about another momma's choice. In the end, only God has the right to have an opinion of right and wrong. This "mommy war" concept has been brewing inside of my mind for a while because I started realizing there was something negative going on in the motherhood world but it didn't have a name (as far as I knew). 

Then a friend of mine shared this post from a group called Connecticut Working Moms. Here are a few photos courtesy of their site, which you can visit right here:

This photo shoot was part of a campaign launched back in March called Judgement-Free Motherhood. My heart felt such a relief knowing that there was an actual group of amazing woman (in my state too!) who binded together to create awareness and support for moms everywhere. Bravo, ladies!! Be sure to follow CT Working Moms via Facebook, Twitter and their hilarious Tumbler entitled "Motherhood Just Got Real".

Now I feel like there needs to be more action. Let's use social media to spread a good message to all mommas everywhere by using hashtag #endmommawars. Post a photo of you using this hashtag and/or create a blog post about this topic. Share your struggles and encourage other mommas. I don't want to be silent about this and since reading about the message of Judgement-Free Motherhood thanks to these fine woman, my heart is on fire more than ever before.

Because in the end, it will affect our children. What we say and do trickles down to them. We are all trying to do our best with what we have. Every household is different, every family's needs are different, every momma's philosophy about parenting is different. It's time to end the mommy wars. Time is too precious and short to waste it on arguing and judging. Edify. Uplift. Encourage. Be brave momma. You're not alone!

5 Things I Love About Being A Boymom

Growing up, our family was dominated by females. I had three older male cousins who were more like big brothers. They did everything together. As one of the older girl cousins, I looked up to them and we were close. Our family had way more girls than we could count (Hispanic families are big to say the least) so it made sense that the boys stuck together like glue.  Even though I loved my Barbies and Rainbow Brite doll, hanging with the boys was a blast.

I remember when the boys were playing Nintendo one time and I wanted to play SO bad! But I didn't get a turn. They were always good about including me but that time they didn't. Upset, I took a large pair of scissors and chopped off Barbie's precious locks. In that moment, I hated being a girl. In my young mind, the boys ALWAYS did fun stuff and I wanted in their little club. I was thrilled when they gave me old baseball cards and action figures...it was like I was one of them!

Now that I have a little boy of my own, childhood memories make me smile. Especially since there was no "boys club" and all the kids did fun stuff together. It really didn't matter, boy or girl. We hiked in the woods with no shoes, hung out in a treehouse, played in the pool until everything was blue and the sun went to sleep, made mud pies, climbed trees (and read books in them), rode our bikes all summer, and played video games until the morning came. I'm not saying girls don't play as hard as boys...we sure did! It's just boys carry themselves differently than girls in everything they do and I was always drawn to that freedom.

There are many reasons why I love being a mother to a boy. David is going to be two this April (did I just type that?) and we have shared some amazing moments. I have a series called "Dear David..." where I write my son letters about things on my heart and document what my thoughts are for him to read some day. As a mother, I want to always be open and understanding to his needs as a growing male in this current world. Here are just a few reasons why being a boymom rocks my socks:

5.) No dresses. No tights. No fuss.

Don't get me wrong, I love to dress my little man like a, well, little man. Nothing is cuter than a mini bow tie and suit. But if I decided one day to bring my boy to church with overalls and old sneakers, no one would care! There is this laid-back mindset that comes with boys. Daughters are thought to be proper and well-dressed while boys can pretty much walk into anywhere with a dirty face and everyone would just smile and say "Oh, he's a boy all right!" This makes a boymom a little relaxed (not that we really care what other people think). We just like to have the "he's a boy" excuse from time to time. Come on, you know you do!

4.) Silly and goofy is a language

It's the best. The fact that I can get super silly and giggly with my boy anywhere, anytime is totally awesome! He loves that I "get" his crazy language. We shake, dance, jump, run, leap and hop...and connect. The way he looks at me with those big eyes when we are doing a funny jig is priceless. How his smile widens when mommy gets low to his eye level and pretends to be a frog is astounding. I love the fact that boys have such a free spirit and want to express themselves with laughter. It truly soothes my rough edges on a daily basis.

3.) Hands-on learning and play

I have to admit, my boy is pretty cautious. Usually when I introduce a new activity (especially a messy one) he takes a good five minutes analyzing everything before he partakes. Which is a good thing. You can tell it's not because he's afraid to try new things but that he wants to see how things work first. One thing I love about being a boymom is that being hands-on is essential to their learning and development. For any child, really, I just notice that boys are not afraid to use all of their senses when learning or playing so introducing hands-on activities is thrilling to watch. We recently went outside on a dreary/rainy day and gathered wet leaves, twigs and bark. He had a blast being outside and touching all of the textures. I had a blast seeing my boy appreciating nature and learning from it.

2.) The opportunity to raise a Godly man

This can be a daunting thought but it is amazing to me that God has blessed us with a boy and that we now have the honor of raising a Godly man. Someday, he might be a leader in his family, business or both. Someday, he might become a missionary and teach home bible studies. Someday, he will (hopefully) have his own relationship with God and have a willing heart to obey Him.  Just having the opportunity to raise a man with good morals, integrity and faith brings my heart such purpose. There are so many men in the world who just needed a mother to believe in them, uplift their spirits and speak life-breathing words. I love that my son will be given the opportunity to reach his full potential in Christ, as long as we (his parents) treat our roles with the respect they so desperately need.

1.) Being home base

A few years ago, I read a post by Tabitha from Team Studer. It was called "25 Rules for Mothers of Sons" and it truly changed my life. I tear up just thinking about it, especially her #25 rule about being home base. I was going to summarize what she said here but Tabitha truly captured the heart of a boymom in her own words and agreed that I could share them with you:

"You are home to him.  When he learns to walk, he will wobble a few feet away from you and then come back, then wobble away a little farther and then come back.  When he tries something new, he will look for your proud smile.  When he learns to read, he will repeat the same book to you twenty times in a row, because you're the only one who will listen that many times.  When he plays his sport, he will search for your face in the stands.  When he is sick, he will call you.  When he really messes up, he will call you.  When he is grown and strong and tough and big and he feels like crying, he will come to you; because a man can cry in front of his mother without feeling self-conscious.  Even when he grows up and has a new woman in his life and gets a new home, you are still his mother; home base, the ever constant, like the sun.  Know that in your heart and everything else will fall into place."

Boymom Resources:
The MOB Society
15 Vow I Make To My Son  
Pouring Water: Toddler Activity
20 Ways To Keep Toddlers Busy
Explore Textures on an Outdoor Scavenger Hunt
In Defense of Dads
25 (More) Craft Ideas for Boys
7 Things Every Mom Should Teach Her Son
A Letter Every Mom Should Read To Her Son | Expectations on Dating

Letter to Myself: Be Content

Dear Jacy,

Last night you were a little emotional. By little I mean a whole lot. I know you were feeling worn and tired after having a toddler pull at you all day, then not eat anything you put in front of him. You feel like your effort is useless and that nothing you do gets noticed. You feel like you are being pulled into 100,000,000 directions...and all you want to do is focus on the One.

I want to tell you that your attitude was wrong. You victimized yourself and manipulated the situation, which you are very good at if I do say so myself. We are not to do things to get noticed. You are appreciated and you know that. Your husband tells you almost every day. Still, you are not content. And it really bothers me because I have to deal with it. Think on these things:

While most women long for love, God blessed you with a hardworking husband, who encourages you, is proud of you and loves that his wife can stay home with his darling boy. Be content in love.

While most women cannot have children, you have a beautiful son. Training him now is hard work and you won't see the fruit of your labor until he's grown. But don't rush it. Be content in the season.

While most children play in the streets or live in drug-infested homes, your living room is messy because it's a safe playground. He feels happy here and it shows. Be content in the clutter.

While most families are poor and starving, your kitchen counter is cluttered with dirty dishes and cups. It's because you are rich in nutrition and your family eats well. Be content in the mess.

While most people are sick and hospital bound, your bed is not made and the sheets are not perfectly tucked. You and your husband sleep well and are provided with comfort. Be content in rest.

While you huff / complain / whine / groan / sulk, others have no money, no food, no home and no family. You are rich, no matter what society says. God says your are. You lack NOTHING. Be content with what you have because it is everything you need.

Love,
You
{and that's not just a signature. it's a commandment}

Dear David... {From Mom AND Friend: Letter 3}

I've started a series of letters to my little baby boy, that hopefully one day he will get to read and (hopefully) be inspired by (if not embarrassed by)

DEAR DAVID...

Recently the topic has comes up a few times about parents, especially moms, claiming they are not suppose to be friends with their children, only the parent. Now you are only a few months old now so you haven't had much drama in your life for me to sift through...however, David, this is mommys opinion...

I remember being a self-conscious, emotional teenager who needed a friend...and not just a friend to have fun with, but most importantly, to listen and give advice. I've been told that famous phrase "I'm not your friend, I'm your parent" and quite frankly, it hurt my heart. You see, son, when you are in need of ears to hear your situation or even to vent frustrations about life, you will go everywhere to find that someone who will stop what they are doing and pay attention. I want that person to be me!

So here's are my thoughts. Yes, I am your mother first BUT your friend second!! I do not have to eliminate that position just because I'm your authority and disciplinarian...I want you to feel comfortable to talk to me about anything, without the fear of me being "all business." I feel being your friend IS part of being a mother! I don't get it when someone claims they will never be their child's friend...to mommy, this is a sad statement and they are missing out on getting to know the child as a person, not just their son or daughter.

I want to know you as a human being, an individual, not just a title of son. You have your own heart and if that breaks, who will you run to? At first, I pray it's Jesus, for He heals the brokenhearted...but second, I pray it's either me or daddy (not so secretly, me first...) Most kids will run to their friends first because most of the time, the parents have never established a friendship with them. What kind of advice/counseling can  another teenager give? Most are dealing with their own problems! And though it's great to relate with someone of the same age, it is even better to go to a seasoned parent, who has been through the fire and has come out victorious. Does this make sense?

So, David boy, I want to say that you can come and talk to me anytime. Without fear of judgment or typical adult criticism. I may not be perfect and neither my advice, however I am your mother, and it's part of my job to know where you are at, mentally, emotionally and spiritually...and if you are off base, it's my job to listen to your words and your heart, to guide you towards the right choices/decisions and most of all, to be a Christ-like example of what a friend should be.

Love Always,

Mom

I'm One Month!! {already}

Hi guys!

My name is David and I am already a month old...wow.

If you want to know where my mama has been, well, she's been taking care of me! I may or may not let her come back, but for now I will give her a lil' break to brag and show off adorable pics of me...mommy & daddy took these by themselves! Enjoy!

Dear David... {Prayer Works: Letter 2}

I've started a series of letters to my little baby boy, that hopefully one day he will get to read and (hopefully) be inspired by (if not embarrassed by)

DEAR DAVID...

I feel this letter needs to go back to a basic principle.
Mommy didn't have the same upbringing as daddy did. He was blessed enough to be brought up in the presence of God, something I did not really feel or even understand until I was 22. I had values and morals, and was God-conscience, but I had never really felt His Spirit. It all started with prayer...and that's what I'd like to talk to you about.


I am already praying that you will be a better David than the one in the Bible. Don't feel pressured, sweetie!! Mommy is not trying to say that she expects you to be this amazing warrior...actually, mommy has been praying that if you are anything of a warrior, to be a warrior of love. We know our family can be, well, prideful. Thick-headed. Stubborn. Argumentative. You know I'm talking about both sides!
You are half French and Hispanic...I feel for ya kid...
But seriously, I've been praying that all that passionate emotion will be used for God's glory! Can you imagine what would happen if we took all of the fire inside and used it for the Kingdom?
I know! So mommy has been praying that you will be different and break this vicious cycle...

You will go through trials and will have to learn the power of prayer on your own. This is not something I think I'll ever be prepared for, because learning means you have to make mistakes first. I don't want my baby boy to make mistakes! But you will...and we can pray through them together, but ultimately, you will have to establish your own prayer life.

To inspire you, mommy has a story to tell. It the year 2011 that you were conceived; actually, about a month or so before. I was a camp counselor at church camp, for the junior girls. Yeah, I know...junior girls can be a little crazy. Anyways we had this BIG tornado warning...the sky turned black and everything! It was really scary especially because we were all waiting outside in line so that we could eat. The clouds swirled over our heads and the light started to fade...
Of course, the girls started to get a little frightened. Mommy could see in their faces that they were confused and terrified. Many of their parents were miles away, and the only ones who could comfort them were the counselors. And God.
Mommy prayed a short prayer for wisdom. I had to help them get their minds off the scary stuff, even though we didn't know what was going to happen. Jesus led me to gather the girls together in a prayer circle and hold hands. Girls that didn't even like each other huddled together without thinking twice. In a calm tone, I said:

"Okay girls, we are going to pray now. I know you are scared...I am too but we know that God has all the power and can take care of us. Right?" They all nodded their heads eagerly, as water droplets started to fall from above. We closed our eyes and prayed for God to have His way...for Jesus to protect us...for the storm to pass over...for everyone to be safe...for the Lord to be with us...


Then we heard someone shout. The tornado was headed right for the camp!!
The counselors tried to keep their groups together but just as we started rushing towards the safe building, a huge crash of thunder scared everyone, and started a stampede. Kids and adults started running all over the place! The clouds opened wide and dumped about an ocean of water, in big drops and splashes!
Mommy was so nervous because she wanted her girls safe but the group had split up. All I could do was run towards the safe building, gathering up as many of my girls as I could. One girl broke down in a panic, screaming for her mom...it echoed through the harsh wind...
Once inside, every person was told to go to the basement...and wait. Thankfully everyone was accounted for. While down there, the lights flickered and we lost power multiple times. The girls were cold, wet and scared. "Oh Lord," I thought, "please keep us safe."

After what seemed like forever we finally got good news...the tornado missed the entire camp ground!!
Somehow, someway, it went right AROUND us and took a different route before disappearing. No one was injured and our families outside of the camp were okay. The girls cheered and jumped for joy!
We were given the okay to call our family, allow the kids to call theirs and then continue our schedule.

The entire time we were at the cafeteria, I could not stop smiling as I overheard the conversations of my girls. It wasn't terror they were talking about...the girls were sharing with everyone how they had prayed and their prayers were answered! I overheard one girl tell an entire table of junior boys "I was really scared, but then Sis Jacy said we were going to pray and we all held hands, and prayed, and then the tornado went away!"

It wasn't me, David. We serve the all powerful God Almighty! I only yielded to His Spirit and encouraged the girls to do the same through prayer. There is power in prayer, son! Sometimes, yes, it will feel a bit silly to you. You may feel overwhelmed, lonely, confused, self conscious and whatever else. but I want you to know that God is always with you and prayer is a way of communication. Keep the lines open and eventually the storm will pass!!

"Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my meditation. Hearken unto the voice of my cry, my King, and my God: for unto thee will I pray. My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up."

Psalms 5:1-3 

Love Always,

Mom

He's here!!

Wonder where I've been, blog world?
Oh just bringing a new soul into this world :)

HE'S FINALLY HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DAVID JONATHAN PULFORD

BORN APRIL 27, 2012 @ 8:43PM

6LBS 4OZ 19.75IN

Let the hunger games begin...lol

Mommy Changes & Fears

                        

Today, I feel like being transparent.

Not because my skin is pale or anything...that's another story all together.

I'm getting a little nervous and, well, scared.

I was okay the first two trimesters of my pregnancy, but now that it's getting down to the wire, everything is getting so real...real fast too.

My mind has been spinning with different thoughts and yeah, I know God will guide me through mommyhood....but truth is, my human mentality can't help but go over all of my weaknesses...

What if I drop him?

What if I teach him the wrong things?

What if I lash out at him with my temper?

Can I be the mommy he needs?

Can I show him what a Christian woman should be?

Can I teach him to love Jesus no matter what?

Will I be able to show him unconditional love?

Will I show him the right way to treat people?

Am I ready to be super selfless?

Am I ready to put his needs first?

Can I show him what it means to pray?

Will I know how to communicate with him?

  Source: Uploaded by user via Jacy on Pinterest

I haven't been up all night with my thoughts, but while I'm busy with my day {blogging, cleaning, designing} something will just pop in from the back of my subconscious and it makes me stop in my tracks...

 

I'm not even a "real" mom yet and I'm leaning on Jesus already! We need someone to guide us and teach us. We need that hope, that solid Rock, a place where our feet are planted as this world shifts around our child...if I'm unstable in faith, my son will be too...

The one thing that keeps me from going insane, is knowing that my Jesus doesn't change...though I will. I will have to change to be the mommy my boy needs me to be...I will have to change in order to adjust to this new schedule and life...I need to change for this new role...

Luckily no matter how much I change, He stays the same...and that thought is the best one yet!!

Sunday Devotion: You're Not Superwoman!

God put this on my heart to write about this week because I was starting to feel overwhelmed. I have a toddler, loads of organizing to do, on top of house stuff, dog stuff, church stuff and blog/work stuff...not to mention making time for my handsome prince of a husband. I know that my schedule it not nearly as crazy as many of you and that got me thinking...

Why do we try and be like superwoman all the time?!

In other words, why do we try to use our own "super powers" to handle all these tasks and things, when to be truly honest, we are only ONE person?

That's right...YOU are only one individual, with only one mind and one heart.

God doesn't want us to go around trying to save the world...He already has done that! He doesn't expect you or me to carry the load...because He already did that too!

Isaiah 40:11 says this

"He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young."

Sometimes you can't help but feel like you need to be a superhero because there is just SO much to do. God doesn't want us to be ignorant and ignore our responsibilities, especially with children. BUT His Word says that He will gently lead those who have young little ones.

That's right...we need to let God be the superhero!

"Ah Lord GOD! behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, and there is nothing too hard for thee"
Jeremiah 32:17 

 

The fact is, we are only human and don't have super powers by ourselves (stinks, I know) but if we follow the leading of the Lord, nothing is too hard for Him!

Today, as strong women who are trying to keep together a household, raise a child, speak into a life, live in the Light, be a good wife, run a nifty blog...let's take a moment and tell God this...

"Lord, I'm done trying to be superwoman and trying to do everything through my own power. Please lead me, as YOU have all power and majesty. You know my needs and the needs of my family. You know my heart and hearts of those around me. Help me follow close to you, so that I may be carried by your wings and soar above to true joy and contentment! Amen!"

"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

Isaiah 40:31