These moments that I have with you have been the best times of my life. In the beginning, I thought being a mother was more about what I'd be teaching you...but here I am realizing I'm nothing but a student in the hands of the Lord, as He uses you to show me precious things. And though I know teaching and training you to be a man of God is one of the biggest callings a woman can have, it keeps me humble when I realize we both are learning new things together.
This world will make you feel busy. This world will have you filling up daily planners, scheduling events and looking forward to the months ahead. Sometimes it's hard to focus on now. These moments. This list is to remind myself of the things I never want to forget as your mother, within these sacred minutes. You'll be potty training soon, moving to a bed and growing up before our eyes. I want to stop being busy and start remembering...
I don't want to forget:
- How you look at me like I'm a hero.
- The laugh you have that lights up a room
- Your innocent curiousity
- The silly jokes we share and how you love that I "get" you
- How much my heart aches when I think of this world & the pain it might cause you
- The way you wiggle your piggies
- The way you pause whatever you are doing to listen to an airplane
- How excited you get when daddy arrives home
- The look of delight when you have a balloon
- Your sleepy eyes peering over the crib
- The way you rub your ear when you're tired
- How much you love to dance
- The way you spin so silly
- Your soft beautiful curly hair
- How you hold me when you think I'm leaving...
- The way your head fits perfectly on my shoulder
- Your squeals during bath time (one of your favorite things to do!)
- The need you have to explore and be independent
- How afraid I feel because you deserve the best...and more...
- The bond we share as a family
It's easy to live in a dream world, staying busy and thinking this is how life will be forever. Though I wish I could pause this time right now and bottle it up so you never have to experience hardships or trials, I must believe that my God is your God and what He has done can happen again...but for you.
Tears are flowing right now because I feel powerless. Mama will not always be there to protect or guide you but we serve an omnipresent, omnipotent Lord and Saviour who is always with you! Thank you for teaching me to live for now. I don't want to be a distracted mom, with my eyes more on my phone and Facebook than your precious face! So I will continue this list in my journal and documenting facial expressions, likes, dislikes, emotions, events, quirks...
One thing I don't ever want you to forget, David, is how much I really love you. Even if you grow up and think I don't...what I have written, I have written. I would move mountains just so the sun was out of your eyes. I would build a bridge to a rainbow if you wanted to touch it. There is nothing I wouldn't do for my son. Remember that.