It only took a moment. An instant and your world came crashing down on top of your head like the sky was falling. That very sky you look up to every day, talking to the Maker. That sky you stared into, dreamed into, and your heart constantly was mesmerized by. Now instead of sunshine and laughter, you are consumed by the deepest pain and the heaviest tears. What just happened? Why is it happening? What did I do, Lord? Why me?
I've had too many of these moments. Moments where it seems like no one else can understand you. Moments where your friends become enemies, lovers become betrayers and family become strangers. There's too much pain. So much, you can't even think straight. You can't even piece together a single, logical thought because your heart is oozing from the blow. You feel like you're drowning on land. Your vision is blurry. And you can't see Him anymore.
When the tide of life rolls in and washes you to the shore of sorrow, your entire soul is in a state of shock. You start to question events, decisions, choices. You look around the deserted island with sand in your hair and in your mind. What lead up to that point of catastrophe and how did you contribute to this disaster? We reap what we sow but sometimes we end up in the middle of someone else's crossfire. Sometimes it's not what we did or didn't do. Sometimes we are just innocent characters in someone else's sin story. Like the woman who finds out she married an adulterer. She didn't do anything. But she has to suffer because of someone else's sin. Like the teenager battling with divorce. He didn't do anything. But he is now in the middle of his parents pain. And is being inflicted with pain as well.
You just have to be alive and pain will find you. Overwhelming, knocking you over so your gaze is no longer on God, but on the ground where you lay. There's too much pain, you don't want to get up. There's too much pain, you don't want to go on. There's too much pain that you can't see the Healer. You can't see that He is rocking you in His arms as you cry at night. You can't see how He is putting the puzzle back together in a better way. You can't see the heart inside of you being sewn back up and made new. You can't see what He is doing to the other party involved. You can't see Him because you're blinded.
We become blinded by our pain to where we become selfish. We want to hide, retract, hold onto our last bit of dignity. We don't realize that pain is a tool. Pain shows weaknesses where He can be strong. Pain is honest. Pain is truthful. Pain is an opportunity. For our eyes to refocus. For our brain cells to regroup. For our hope to rest solely upon the Almighty. For our healing to actually BE a healing and not some temporary cover up.
It may be hard to see Him through your pain, but He can see you perfectly! God's vision never blurs. He sees every bit of you and He already knows how to heal you. Don't look at pain through fearful eyes...look at pain through faithful eyes. Realize that our Father is holding His heart broken child, whispering:
"I am here. You may not see me. You may not feel me. But I am here. I have died for you. My blood was shed for you. But the grave did not hold me. I overcame the world so that you may overcome the pain. You don't need all the answers for I know them. Trust in me. Speak to me. Love me. For you are the apple of my eye. And nothing is going to keep me away from you."
II Corinthians 12:9-10