"Welo" & my beautiful mother on her wedding day
He passed away a couple of days ago and it still hasn't hit me yet. I'm not sure if it's pregnancy hormones all outta whack or what...I actually expected myself to be really sensitive. Though I am in a way, I feel like God has been preparing me for this moment. I am extremely sad of course but I can't help but feel the Lord's peace in my heart.
I cried in the shower yesterday morning but haven't since. I almost feel like God wants me to focus more on celebrating my grandfather's life and all the fun memories I have, and not focus on the negative. Like when he would put together model cars and color them with nail polish. Or how he would get solicited letters in the mail from the lottery and he would get so excited. He kept a wall display of fake million dollar bills and swore he'd win the lottery someday. The way he mastered Donald Duck's voice and thought it was hilarious. We kids thought it was too, but I always knew my grandpa seemed to enjoy it more because he was so proud of himself for sounding like Donald haha
My prayers these last few days have been ones of restoration and healing. For my beautiful family to celebrate his life, even though we have to deal with death. For no regrets to harbor in their hearts because truthfully, we cannot change the past. We can however be changed by the now, so that we can be better people in the future.
So, I don't want to talk about sorrow and pain. That's not how I remember my grandpa so I will celebrate his life because he was full of life. He was full of humor, laughs, silly voices, tickles, those moments when profanity slipped from his lips and we kids gasped because our parents had taught us not to say them, and yet grandpa just did! The way he didn't need to demand respect because we kids were so stinkin' scared of him sometimes, when he was mad at something we did, we stopped in our tracks and practically lost our bowels. He wasn't mean; he just had a belt handy at all times and it did NOT feel good!
Those moments when we would sit around the dining room table and his asthmatic dog Nosy would bite our toes. Those moments when I'd sit on grandpa's bed, overlooking the city streets, and daydreaming about doing something great one day. Those moments where I watched Sesame Street while eating a big bowl of Spanish rice.
Those are the moments I want to celebrate. Yes, we have to grieve and mourn. It's natural and I guess every person has their own way of doing that. I choose to address my emotions by focusing on the good memories. I choose to celebrate life...his life.
Angel Luciano, I just want to thank you for making me laugh all those years. For showing me what it really means to be child-like at heart, to keep smiling and to always be bold about who you are no matter what people think or say. You left your stamp on this world and you will never be forgotten. I love you <3