Saturday, February 11, 2012

10 Ways to Stay a Loser


Okay, you failed. 
Again.
And just like last time.
Again.

Stinks, doesn't it?
Yeah...we all fail at times or feel we don't measure up to a certain standard.
I know I do a lot, almost every day. And chances are, if you have blood in your veins and a pulse...you will fail again.

However, there is a way you can be redeemed.
You can be a winner even if you do fail!
Where?

Inside of you're heart...

...but, just in case you're not ready to win yet, here are 10 ways you can be sure you won't:

1.) Dwell on Your Mistakes
That's right. Them them eat away at your dignity, self-esteem and mind. It's almost impossible to have a winner's mindset when you are still obsessing over your last mistake. Keeping all of those failures fresh, there's no way you can overcome and be victorious now!

2.) Keep Comparing Yourself
Everywhere you look and everywhere you go, measure yourself against somebody else. Do it! You know there's no one as low are you are...especially when there are all these "winners" around. "How does Janet do it looking that good? What about Lindsay, her life is so much better than mine! Oh, I wish I was as smart as Danielle..." Yup, some good ol' self-comparison will kept you on your loser game.

3.) Stay Isolated
Why would anyone want to see that face when you've done so many wrong things? Just save the embarrassment and don't leave your house. It's simple! Don't talk to anyone, don't go anywhere, don't even call your BFF to complain...you don't know why she's your BFF anyway. Sticking to yourself is the best way your losery won't rub off on someone else.

4.) Wallow in Self-Pity
While you're alone, don't forget to pity yourself. A "poor me" attitude is a must to staying a loser. Let's face it; having to let go of what you've done means having to forgive yourself and move on. Who wants that?!

5.) Loathe Happiness
Caution. After your pity-party, you may want a joyful boost. Don't do it! How can you even think of being happy after failing? No-sir-re...put up a wall of sadness, grief and anger around you. It'll keep all that happy, go-lucky-laughing-feeling amazing stuff out! In fact, every time you feel the need to be happy, go back to step one. Your pride depends on it!

6.) Shun Growth
I've heard some winners say that once you fail, you can learn from your mistakes and grow into a better person. Ha! You don't want that, right? You've already worked so hard to isolate yourself from people and stay in your own negative bubble. Don't go ruining all that just because some happy hippies are trying to convert you. Why change? Sounds like more hard work to me...

7.) Encourage Verbal Abuse
Tell yourself every morning when you wake up that today you are going to suck at everything and nothing you do will be good enough. Come on, break down that self-esteem even more by allowing yourself to blow up and call yourself names. Every good loser knows how to beat themselves with their own words...don't be any different.

8.) Lash Out
Listen, you're the one that made the mistake and failed. That doesn't mean others shouldn't suffer as well! Pull them in with you on this, better yet, wear your anger over your failures on your sleeve. That way, whenever a friend tries to send you a cute text message or your boyfriend/husband tries to cheer you up with hugs, you can easily push them away. You definitely will never be a winner if you hurt someone else!

9.) Seek and Destroy
After a while, this whole process is going to start to fade and maybe even worse, go away! To prolong it, try hard to stay in your loser funk. Look for the bad in everything and harp on those things that are meant to feel great. When someone is a winner, they tend to stay away from negativity and surround themselves with daisies and lillies. Instead of watering the positive, get out your garden shears and start hacking away!

10.) Do Absolutely Nothing
One final thing you can do to guarantee that you will stay a loser is nothing. Zilch. Nada. Sit there and think about what you've done. Don't try to make yourself feel better by doing things you love. Winners always do that! 

There you have it.
By following these 10 things, you can bet on staying a loser for a good part of your life, if not all of it.
Beware! If you don't follow these things, here's what can happen to you:

- You'll be able to let go
- You won't care about what others do
- You will surround yourself with positive people
- You'll gain a victorious mindset
- You'll learn from your mistakes and be better
- You'll experience true joy
- You'll start hugging and being sweet
- You'll start building yourself up and other people
- You'll start telling yourself that you can do anything

Don't tell me I didn't warn you...

(this post is meant for people who have a sense of humor and who are not perfect. please don't take it seriously...the entire purpose is to apply reverse psychology, not to encourage negativity.)

6 comments:

  1. You are so great Jacy! What a great post, way to turn it around and make it fun. ♥ This!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks so much, lovely ladies!!

    I had a blast writing this hehe I couldn't help but laugh. I read it out loud to my husband and he was grinning the entire time...mostly because he knows he married a silly nerd haha

    ReplyDelete

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