Monday, June 2, 2014

End The Mommy Wars

I know you've been there, momma. I know you've had moments where you feel defeated as a parent.  Moments where you feel ashamed about your decisions because of what another momma might think. Where you curb your conversations to not bring attention to the fact that your 4 year old is still in diapers or you have chosen to formula feed instead of breast feed. You feel like everything you do is under the microscope of almost every other mother you talk to. You don't feel like you measure up to this invisible and unrealistic bar of perfection.

Well, none of us do. And it's time to say something. I personally am tired of the momma wars. I'm tired of those moments when I'm in my own home with my own child and I hear the snickering of what other mothers might be thinking in the back of my mind. Why do I let this bother me? Well some times we can't help it. The Momma Wars usually seek you out when you least expect it and it feels like a blow to the heart. Because it is. 

We will raise our children different.  That isn't the issue.  What should be a compassionate chance to bond with another mother has turned into a brutal blame game. Where everyone wants to be right and we are listening only to respond...instead of really listening. 

Being a mother is the hardest job in the entire world. We should see other moms as fellow citzens of the same country but instead are treating motherhood like a competitive war. We don't have to agree but we can still love. How can we teach our children not to bully or gossip if that is what they see from us? I'm taking a pledge to end the momma war inside of me. Because when I take care of the judgemental attitude inside my heart, that is one less dagger into another's. 

Every household dynamic is unique. What I may allow, you might not tolerate. But we have to stop backbiting, being judgemental and even gossiping to others about another momma's choice. In the end, only God has the right to have an opinion of right and wrong. This "mommy war" concept has been brewing inside of my mind for a while because I started realizing there was something negative going on in the motherhood world but it didn't have a name (as far as I knew). 

Then a friend of mine shared this post from a group called Connecticut Working Moms. Here are a few photos courtesy of their site, which you can visit right here:


This photo shoot was part of a campaign launched back in March called Judgement-Free Motherhood. My heart felt such a relief knowing that there was an actual group of amazing woman (in my state too!) who binded together to create awareness and support for moms everywhere. Bravo, ladies!! Be sure to follow CT Working Moms via Facebook, Twitter and their hilarious Tumbler entitled "Motherhood Just Got Real".

Now I feel like there needs to be more action. Let's use social media to spread a good message to all mommas everywhere by using hashtag #endmommawars. Post a photo of you using this hashtag and/or create a blog post about this topic. Share your struggles and encourage other mommas. I don't want to be silent about this and since reading about the message of Judgement-Free Motherhood thanks to these fine woman, my heart is on fire more than ever before.

Because in the end, it will affect our children. What we say and do trickles down to them. We are all trying to do our best with what we have. Every household is different, every family's needs are different, every momma's philosophy about parenting is different. It's time to end the mommy wars. Time is too precious and short to waste it on arguing and judging. Edify. Uplift. Encourage. Be brave momma. You're not alone!


  1. THANK YOU for writing this and sharing our campaign! I love this so much. Check out one of our FB photo albums - we actually had a day where we encouraged moms to use social media to upload encouraging statements for other moms. It was MAGICAL! I still sometimes go back and look at the photos. xoxoxo

  2. This is such a great message. I'm only 12 weeks pregnant and already I've had some thoughts in the back of my mind expecting judgment about certain things, even the timing of when I announced my pregnancy. We have to stop the judgment! And I love the CT moms photos!

    1. Congrats Niki!! What a blessing! The advice will start coming the moment people know lol Glad this inspired you xoxo


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