Well, here I am again. As I sit to write this, I can't help but shake the feeling of hypocrisy. Last Monday I posted here that I felt the need to step back from this place. Not shut down the blog, but refocus, connect to the real, take a break...and plug into Jesus. And I did. Believe me. Then two days later, I was back here. Why do I keep coming back, Lord? What is it about this space that I can't seem to walk away, even temporarily?
Yesterday I received my answer. As I was praying and reflecting on life, matters of the heart, this blog, I felt a passion rise up. A passion that I haven't felt in a long time. That's when it hit me. The emotions I'm feeling right now, in this moment, make me vulnerable. And in that realm, I'm scared and lost. I don't like not having control. I don't like the unknown. Do you? I know you don't either. That's why I'm here. To share my story, to share my heart and the journey that I'm on right now. I'm nothing special but I have a voice. And He wants me to use it.
It dawned on me that the reason why I wanted to take a break was because I don't feel good enough. There, I said it. Guilt, failure and low self worth has been plaguing me for months. I've never felt this bad about myself before. There's nothing in my life that I'm missing; hear me. I have ALL that I need and more! So what it is, God? Why have I allowed depression and fear become regulars in the day to day? More importantly...how can I break these chains?
I crave for acceptance and perfection. It's like a disease that eats away at the positivity inside of me. I have fallen into the trap and believed the lies of the enemy. But not anymore. Will you join me? Would it be okay if I allowed this place to transform these next 31 days, as the Lord transforms me? Yes, it will be hard. But I am hoping that daily coming back here to reflect on these topics will hold me accountable. And will be a voice for someone else in need.
Starting October 1st, I will be posting a devotion every day for the entire month. I'll pray over these topics, dive into the scripture and report back here with what I've learned. I can tell you right now, I'm already struggling with this commitment and it hasn't even begun yet! I'm struggling because I know I'm going to be broken...and vulnerable, in front of you. No fluff, no show, no mask. I can no longer hide so here I am. I hope you can accept me.
Just a few things:
- There may be other posts scheduled for the month. These posts will go live during the day. Devotions will most likely be published in the early evening, Eastern Standard Time.
- I am aware that what I believe may not be the same as what you believe. I respect everyone's individual opinion and kindly ask for the favor to be returned. I may say some things or share some views that you may disagree with. Please be respectful and courteous, using the comment box wisely. Questions are welcome but I will not allow any heated discussions to be published. I want this to be a place for the broken who need healing, not a platform for debates.
- That being said, I'm implementing an "open door" policy. Should you have any questions that require deeper study, I'm offering one-on-one Q&A sessions and Bible studies. These will be conducted either through email, Google Chat/Hangout or over the phone. Simply leave a comment with your email and request, in any of the devotion posts.
- Above all, love one another. Pray for each other. Uplift, edify and He will be glorified. Let's create a community for the hurting ones. Share what God is doing in your life and listen to what He is doing in others. Make sure to connect on Twitter and Instagram using the hashtag #BTC31
Feel free to grab a button for your blog!
Together, we can break the chains of emotional bondage. God created all emotions but this world has blurred that purpose. It's time to take a stand and not justify our guilt, our fears, our anxiety any longer. Tomorrow will mark Day 1 and we will be talking about the "Power of the Word." I'm so ready to embrace that power! Are you?
UPDATE!! GET THE "BREAKING THE CHAINS" DEVOTIONAL EBOOK >>