For as long as I could remember, the month of January was a black pit in our family. So much so that my dad (whose birthday is January 31st) eventually said that he didn’t want his birthday celebrated in January or even at all. In the span of a few years, my uncle died, a dear friend of my mom’s was killed in a car accident, and my aunt died (on my dad’s birthday). I also experienced two devastating miscarriages in 2006 and 2008, both on January 15th. Needless to say, after the holidays, we all generally held our breath when it came to this fateful month.
After my miscarriage in 2008, I confided in a dear friend that I didn’t understand why this continued to happen. Didn’t God love me? Her words in the days after have stuck with me to this day, “Even Jesus asked on the cross, ‘God, why have you forsaken me?’” She told me that even though Jesus asked God this, His faith was unwavering and He trusted in God’s bigger plan. On that day, I made a conscious effort to trust God’s will for the life of our family. Mother’s Day that year was painful. I left a church service, dejected and depressed that God still had not blessed us with a baby. But little did I know, three days later, two lines appeared. Unlike the first two times, my heart was at complete peace and I knew that all was going to work out in our favor. Nine months later, in 2009, we welcomed our first miracle, Charles Aiden, on the coldest day of that winter - January 15th.
The significance of the day and month were not lost on me that busy day. I wept at the sight of my son, but also at the reality that our family’s joy had been made complete. January no longer had a hold on us. Since that time, Charlie has and continues to bring unspeakable joy to every person we come across. He is our blessing.
But our story doesn’t end there. In 2010, when trying for Charlie’s sibling, we suffered another miscarriage in March. I couldn’t understand why this was happening again – hadn’t we learned our lesson? Hadn’t we learned to rely on God totally and completely already? But that in and of itself was the struggle, here I was thinking I had learned to trust God completely, but something negative happened and I had begun to question Him again. I brushed myself off and remembered the words of my friend. Ten months later, we welcomed Charlie’s brother, Jackson Dean, in January.
When the hustle and bustle of the holidays dies down, we no longer dread the 31 days that follow December. We celebrate life and the re-birth of this month. Even Jesus asked, “Why?” but still trusted in God’s plan for His life completely. Even in those times of sorrow and despair, I encourage you to do the same. May God redeem the “January” in your own life.
Praise the Lord!!
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