Dear David,
Today I'm writing this letter to you via the sofa. That's right my boy, mommy is choosing to relax today. The weekend was pretty eventful. You are peacefully napping and I usually take this moment to catch up on my to-do list. Yes, toys are on the floor. Yes, laundry is waiting downstairs. Yes, dishes need to be clean. But you know what? It's okay to be tired and rest. Do you know why? Because most days are not like this. It's okay that not everything is perfect. I want to talk to you a bit about that.
You see, son, mommy always felt like she had to be the best at everything. Sometimes I still feel that way but thankfully the Lord is working on my heart. Growing up, I always felt this pressure to be perfect. It consumed me, more than I really knew. If something went wrong, I felt like I couldn't cry. Perfect people were not suppose to cry. At least, that's what I thought. And though I hardly used the word "perfect", it became a mind-consuming habit. You know, to be "the best."
I craved attention and even more, I thrived on the fact that I was better. The more someone else proved they were better at something or ranked higher, the more angry I became. Which caused unhealthy competition and an unhealthy image of myself. I want to tell you that it is okay to want to be better at something. But it is also okay if you are not the best at it. As long as you are trying.
Hear me, David: you will want to be perfect. We all fall into that trap. Especially as a Christian, we know (or should know) the value behind transformation in Christ. Did you catch that part? IN CHRIST! He is the only One who is perfect and someday we will be like that, when we are called home. But on this earth, we are dust and flesh, striving to get by day by day. And though I am not suggesting that we need to accept the sin in our lives or to justify our evil ways, I am suggesting that if you are not the best, it's okay! As long as you are doing your best...in Him!
I can think of all of the mom's who are working away right now, cleaning, cooking, sewing, balancing two child while changing the bed sheets...but what is that doing to my spirit? It devalues all of the hard work that I do accomplish on a daily basis. Comparing yourself to someone else is never fair because we do not know their entire story. We may look at someone as being the "perfect" role model but every one has a battle to fight...and you may be victorious in a battle that constantly has them swept under the waves.
I don't tell you this to be prideful, my boy. I just want you to see that no one is perfect and that's OKAY! Imperfection is okay. But...
Calling someone names to make you feel better is not okay.
Wanting what your neighbor has is not okay.
Comparing yourself to other people is not okay.
Thinking of yourself as better than other people is not okay.
Striving for a position or title for attention is not okay.
Putting things before your family is not okay.
Trying to be the best without Christ is not okay.
As you walk this life, please do me a favor and remember that there is no such thing as perfect down here. When you want to be good at something, do it with integrity and passion, not selfish pride. When you want to be a better person, seek after the Lord for direction and not your vain thoughts. One day you will feel the pressure to be perfect, but know that this life is meant to perfect us...meaning, help us achieve a greater level of development. We should be growing, learning, reading, striving to be like the Lord Jesus Christ...and someday, we will be like Him. But that will not be today or any day down here. And that's okay. Because one day we will be who we need to be and "perfect" cannot even begin to describe it.
Love,
Mom
